Young Thunderbird

'Pretty bird. Yes, can you say pretty bird?'

2011-03-29T22:23:00.001-05:00

Holy crap, it's been months since I updated. But, I've been blessed with a baby boy who occupies a lot of my time :)

Anyway, took a photo of this bird hanging out front of the house. I tried to get him to turn around, but he got scared when I yelled at him... so he flew away.

Autumn... yet again

2010-10-05T20:49:00.001-05:00

What can I say? It's a great time of year to get out, enjoy the crisp air, snap some pictures.

Autumn... part 2

2010-10-03T21:06:00.001-05:00

Autumn...

2010-10-02T12:47:00.000-05:00

Fall is a beautiful time of year. As summer ends, a sad feeling kind of sinks in. But as the leaves rapidly change into a myriad of colours, the spirit sings. As the late Norval Morriseau used to say, colour can bring healing and lift the spirit. How true.

Evening fishing...

2010-08-29T13:53:00.001-05:00

Couple images from an evening out fishing with Kanina, Cal, Jaylynn, (Girl) Jessi... and (Big) Jesse who showed up and started catching all the fish.

28mm lens, 1/400, f2.5, ISO 100

200mm lens, 1/125, f2.8, ISO 400

Grass dancer at Eagle Lake

2010-08-09T21:46:00.000-05:00

A young grass dancer at the powwow. Love the focus and intensity.

Post apocalyptic Sioux Lookout...

2010-07-17T15:51:00.001-05:00

Okay, maybe not. I did not intend to capture that feeling, yet I somehow did and went with it as I processed. Perhaps its because I just watched 2012 last night (bad movie) and The Road not too long ago (okay movie, book is better).

Isaac...

2010-07-01T15:56:00.000-05:00

My first baby shoot. And it went pretty smooth. Isaac was as calm as can be.

My backyard (again)...

2010-06-23T22:55:00.000-05:00

Just messing around in my backyard taking pics of random stuff with my 28mm f1.8.

An evening with Jaylynn...

2010-06-21T23:27:00.000-05:00

The tear (not really)...

2010-06-14T20:48:00.000-05:00

Ah yes, this image. Almost forgot about it. This is Jordan. While he may look like he's shedding a tear in this image, it's only water (as we were on a beach during a fishing trip a few weeks back) and he's having a good time actually. But the softness and the conversion to black and white, conveys a much different feeling, if you ask me. Goes to show what's possible when photographing.

BBQ'ing in Thunder Bay...

2010-06-01T07:50:00.000-05:00

My brother just graduated from Lakehead University. In the past, we always celebrated such occasions by going out for dinner to a restaurant. Well, these days, there are quite a few kids so that crowd is getting too big. So we had a BBQ and were able to invite even more family. Good times.

My dad, Roger, and my brother, Corey.

My nephew Canaan.

My niece Cayla Rose attacking a homemade Pinata.

My cousin Christina's daughters, Abby (front) and Anna.

My nephew AJ (right) and Adam.

This cute little one is Abrina, my cousin Janice's daughter.

May long weekend...

2010-05-25T21:39:00.003-05:00

It was quite an enjoyable May long weekend as my family from Thunder Bay came up to visit. We also celebrated mine and my brother-in-law's birthday with a massive BBQ (we were both born on the same day and the same year: May 26, 1980). Yes the big 3-0!! We both received new grills so we had them going at the same time to feed the 40 people over. But it was also a weekend of golf and fishing, which was nice. I had my camera out one day and solely used my 200mm lens, which all of the following images were taken with.

Lani & Jeff's Wedding

2010-05-18T23:03:00.000-05:00

I always enjoy taking pictures, so I knew for this wedding, I wasn't going to be sitting idly by. My friend Adrienne was the official photographer, but I said I was willing to help. She's already posted some images here. It was a great wedding. Congrats to the awesome couple.

Baby Canaan...

2010-05-05T21:40:00.000-05:00

Forgot I had these images of my nephew Canaan. I had taken these last time I was back home in Thunder Bay, which was a few weeks ago now. He's the youngest of my mom's grandchildren (so far).

Editorial photography...

2010-05-05T13:19:00.005-05:00

Well, I'm about to change positions at Wawatay. My new position is Multimedia/News Co-ordinator. This means, from time to time, I'll be reporting when needed. That already happened. I was in Kingfisher Lake First Nation May 5 for an installation ceremony for first area Bishop for Northern Ontario region of the Keewatin Diocese of the Anglican Church (whew!). The first photo below is from that event. The second photo was the Suicide Prevention Awareness Walk in Sioux Lookout. I wasn't reporting on the event, but I wanted some images for our online gallery. The last couple of years my photography has come a long way, and I'm seeing that in the editorial assignments I've just covered. It's a vast improvement from my early days as a reporter.

Birthday celebration at Voyageur's North

2010-04-18T20:43:00.001-05:00

Was out at the in-laws having an early birthday celebration for my father-in-law Saturday night. Love the feasting that always happens when the family gets together. Always good food and always good company. And since it's starting to get really nice outside, I spent some time outdoors, snapping a few pics. As usual, I'm still enjoying the black+white conversions. There's something about it. The simplicity of it, the way it can draw feelings out. I don't know. Just really loving it at the moment.

Happy Birthday Tom!

Serene and family...

2010-04-15T16:32:00.001-05:00

I had the pleasure to shoot family photos for my good friend Serene, her daughters Lauren and Aaliyah, and her boyfriend David. It was a quick shoot. I wish I had more time with the little one, Lauren. She broke out in a dance at one point. Cute stuff.

Photo shoot from the winter...

2010-04-05T16:15:00.001-05:00

Sometime in November, I had a photo shoot with Jesse and Seeka. It was a Christmas present from my wife and I. Never had the chance to post those photos, as I was busy processing and getting ready for my trip to New Zealand. So, here's a few from that day.

Niigaan Inaabin 2010

2010-04-04T14:06:00.005-05:00

Last month, I was asked to help shoot a youth conference in Kenora. Niigaan Inaabin is a youth career fair organized by Shooniyaa Wa-Biitoong, an employment and training centre for Treaty 3 communities. It was a lot of fun to shoot. I tried to get tight layered shots, a style I'm enjoying more, especially for black and white images.

I Am ... photo shoot

2010-04-04T13:53:00.002-05:00

Michelle Derosier is a filmmaker from Eagle Lake First Nation. She lives in Thunder Bay and is co-owner of Thunderstone Pictures, the company behind the award winning film, Seeking Bimaadiziiwin. Michelle is the most recent subject for I Am ... Indigenous, the portrait series I'm working on with my friend Adrienne. A couple more images from the shoot can be found at our website. The shoot was one of the shortest we had done. We found our image right away.

I've neglected to update my blog for some time now. I hope to get back to taking more photos and posting them to the blog.

Celebrating the Creators...

2010-03-15T14:18:00.002-05:00

I'm very honoured to announce that a photography project I'm working on with my friend Adrienne has been selected to be part of the exhibit featured in the poster. Very cool news indeed. The project, I am ... Indigenous, has been an ongoing project for the last year and a half featuring some very awesome and inspiring people from northern Ontario.

Opening reception is at the Thunder Bay Art Gallery April 9 at 7:30pm. So, friends, family and I am subjects, if you're in the area, come and celebrate with us.

Family Day Weekend in T.Bay

2010-02-20T15:22:00.003-05:00

In Ontario, there is a Family Day weekend in February. So, I went home to see my family and spend time with my nieces and nephews. They're awesome cute kids. Here's a few photos.

Ethan

Evan

Cayla and Evan

Cayla

Cayla

New Zealand in Black & White

2010-02-11T21:28:00.000-05:00

Well, haven't been in the right frame of mind to write as of late. I've been wanting to write about the trip to New Zealand, but I think there's so much information to process it's been difficult. I'll get around to it, I'm sure.

In the meantime, here's a few photos in black and white from Aotearoa.

Land of the Long White Cloud...

2010-01-26T17:53:00.001-05:00

Ah New Zealand. What a place and what a trip! My wife and I spent 24 days in the country, driving from Christchurch in the South Island to Auckland in the North Island. It was amazing. New Zealand, or Aotearoa (see blog title) in Maori, has one of the most unique bio-diverse systems on the planet. It's the largest isolated island, some 2000 km from Australia.

Because of its isolation, there are no large predatory animals... or large mammals either. It takes some convincing of the mind, especially coming from a place with plenty of bears, moose, deer, lynx, wolves, etc. But it can make exploring mountains and forest less stressful not having to worry about predators. However, we didn't get that adventurous. Our longest hike, or bush walk as called by the locals, was about 2 hours.

Anyway, I'll let my pictures do the rest of the explaining. I'll be back, however, with more information about a few places. Here is the link to the rest of the photos.

Danger of a single story...

2009-12-10T12:30:00.005-05:00

Thanks to my friend Adrienne for sharing this video with me. It is total affirmation of what I do and what I want to do.

I'm a storyteller. I don't write as often anymore, but I still tell stories through images. But I want to merge my photography with writing, audio and video. I was starting to do that in my job, but I've taken on other roles taking me away from storytelling. I'm going to get back to it though.

The message in this video is exactly why I want to tell the stories of my people, especially the Cree, Ojibway and Oji-Cree people in northern Ontario. I was always aware that First Nation people are often negatively portrayed in mainstream society. The danger in that is it tells people we're lazy, we're criminals, or we're busy putting up blockades. No, there is more to our people than that. But when society is only given one image or story of a people or place, they will believe that to be truth. My goal has been to always fight these negative portrayals of our people.

Silence, eagles and the dump...

2009-12-05T18:46:00.000-05:00

I spent some time today just sitting in silence. Sounds odd, I know. But sometimes, I love the silence. Sometimes I need and crave it, if only to find a moment of peace, to remind myself of the important things in life. I burned some sage and took in my surroundings. Outside, the snow silently sprinkled down, glittering in the shining sun, blanketing the earth. I had no epiphany or moment of realization. I just enjoyed that moment for what it was... silence.

But, it can't last forever and I had things to do. Like head to dump. With a loaned 135mm f/2.0 lens in tow, I ventured to the furthest dumping area where I know eagles are always hanging around. I was surrounded by crows and as they flew around, their wings was the only sound I could hear.

Jay's party...

2009-12-05T00:07:00.001-05:00

Jaylynn celebrated her 6th birthday today. Kanina, aka Auntie Beanie, made an awesome banana cake complete with homemade icing.

Photo excursion...

2009-11-22T17:53:00.000-05:00

If you are squeamish at the site of raw meat, perhaps you should not proceed. I was helping to wrap some moose meat and, of course, took the time to grab some pictures. Proceed at your own caution.

As mentioned in my previous post, I was out and about yesterday. Helped my brother-in-law to pull up the fish net. Also stopped by the Kenny-Beaton's to drop some wild rice off. I ended up hanging around their driveway getting some pics. I have some other images from there as well, which I'll post later. I have something up my sleeve.

Oh yea, we enjoyed an excellent meal of moose, whitefish and wild rice soup later that evening. Awesome meal!

Another excursion...

2009-11-22T00:10:00.005-05:00

I had an interesting Saturday. I was on my way out to the in-laws to help cut and wrap some moose meat. On my way out, I was distracted with my camera. I was an hour late getting to the in-laws. I helped out a bit, took more pictures, helped out some more, then took more pictures. I have tons of images, but here's a couple teasers. I'll post more at a later date.

Update: I should add that I normally have a hard time seeing how an image will look in black and white. The image above, however, just presented itself and the only way I could see it was in black and white. It's nice when that happens. The car is on the Terry property where my wife, Kanina, grew up. She and her brothers often played in and around the car.

The chill is coming...

2009-11-20T19:16:00.002-05:00

Whoa. Two posts in one day. I think. Funny how you always seem to be so sure of something until you say it. Well, at least that's how I sometimes get. Anyway, two posts, one day. I figured I need an image to post since I've been writing a lot lately. Since I decided to go with this photographic theme with my blog, I've been getting inspiration to write more often. So, I let it come out. I wasn't going to stop those creative urges.

I've also realized, I have never spoken of the gear I use. I shoot with a Canon 40D, a 50mm f1.4 lens, and a 17-85mm f4-5.6 lens. I have a flash, but don't use it often. I don't have much gear, but right now, I like that. It's good to learn with the limitations I have, to make the best of what I got. When I was starting out as a reporter, my photographry skills were mediocre. I knew I wasn't getting good images. And I commented to my friend Adrienne, who was my boss at the time, that I could get better images if I had a better lens or gear. She replied right back that a good photographer will get a good image no matter what equipment they have. Well then... I knew I had to try harder.

Anyway, it's late fall. It's been unseasonably warm the last week or two, but some mornings frost is everywhere, letting us know winter is around the corner. To me, this image invokes feelings of coolness, despite the nice light of the sun. The cool sky and how the little pole looks like ice. Yes, I do believe the chill is coming.

First Nation working culture

2009-11-20T12:03:00.002-05:00

A piece I wrote for Wawatay News, which of course, is where I work: Bring back hard work: Chief Clarence Louie

A few extra thoughts around this subject:

My uncle was a hard working man. I learned from that, but not until I was much older. When I was young, I was lazy. I was also inept when it came to doing things in the bush. I grew up in the city after all.

But my uncle, he always took my brother and I out to the bush. And he always worked hard. He made sure we helped him as well. While I was content to lie around in the cabin, playing games, he made sure my brother and I didn't spend our entire day inside. He wasn't forceful, he just made sure we put in a bit of work as well. And all this time later, he was probably the biggest influence I had in what it means to work hard. He was a teacher by example.

For 30 or so years, he worked the rails for CN. He hunted, trapped and cut wood. He provided for us and provided for himself and my aunt. He did not depend on any others to provide for him. He criticized others who didn't work hard. And boy, was he ever harsh in his words. While he didn't say it, I think he just wanted the best from our people.

Today, I've come to respect his views and his work ethic. While I strive to work hard today, I know I don't have same work ethic my uncle has. But I know the meaning of providing for oneself. And I know I'll have a family one day to take care of. No one else will take care of them. That will be up to me.

Willow and Avery photo shoot

2009-11-08T00:23:00.003-05:00

I recently had a mother-daughter shoot with Willow and Avery. I was losing light fast when I met up with them, but the sky was looking really nice so I used some bounce flash to get a nice exposure of the sky and their faces.

They were a lot of fun to work with. When trying to provide some direction on poses and where to look, Avery seemed to know what I was thinking often getting into the right position before I even finished talking.

You must be one of them urban Indians...

2009-10-29T19:29:00.008-05:00

I guess you can call me an Urban Indian. I grew up in the city of Thunder Bay, so it makes sense. But back when I was young, that distinction never seemed to be made, especially in our little part of northern Ontario where travel was frequent between reserves, towns and the only city in the area.

I grew up with cousins who were straight off the rez, their influence strong. But usually, I was mixing with my non-Native classmates. Even then I was still distant from this group, never quite fitting in. If a Native kid ever joined my class, we’d always get along straight off the bat. More often than not, however, they never seemed to last long at the school. I can only assume they headed back to the rez with their family.

Anyway, my point is simple. Despite growing up in the city, I often interacted with other Native folk, whether from the rez or others growing up in the city.

But something nagged at me. Something never seemed right. I didn’t know what it was when I was a kid, but it left me feeling empty. It seems to have ties to a simple question. It’s a question other Native people ask each other all the time when meeting for the first time: “Where are you from?”

When I was younger, when the judgmental ways of the world had little impact on me, I often responded by saying I was born in Toronto or I was from Thunder Bay. However, the cynicism of the world took its toll. As I grew into adolescence I struggled with identity. I questioned who I really was, where I really came from, what place do I have in the world. Tough questions for a young person to deal with.

Where are you from? The question never stopped. Constance Lake? No, that’s what the status card says, but I never lived there. Heck, I haven’t even been there. Thunder Bay? Well, that doesn’t make you much of an Indian does it? You must be one of those urban Indians?

It seemed to me that because I wasn’t from a reserve, it meant I wasn’t as Indian as the person next to me who was from a reserve. And I struggled with that. It perpetuated my struggle with identity, the son of a Cree mother and French father.

But in time, I learned a few things. I learned of my families past, the reasons why I wasn’t from a reserve, why I didn’t know my culture, why I often felt displaced.

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The urban Aboriginal population was relatively small in Thunder Bay when I was growing up. So ties were strong to the families living nearby in small towns or reserves.

In my case, our family had roots to the small town of Nakina where my grandparents settled. From what I’m told, my grandparents chose not to live on reserve. Constance Lake was where they were supposed to move, but for whatever reason they refused the move and settled in places like Klotz Lake, Longlac and finally Nakina.

Originally, my grandparents hailed from the James Bay coast. With other families, they often traveled distantly inland down the Albany River and into Pagwa River where a small seasonal settlement was established called Mammamattawa. Further down river from this settlement was a Hudson Bay Trading Post in the small community of Pagwa, located alongside a now defunct CN rail line.

It seems to me, the Cree people of this area moved freely along the river, traveling for the hunt, trading with the fur traders. But at some point, probably between the 1930s and 1950s, the settlement of permanent reserves in northern Ontario was forced on to the Aboriginal inhabitants of the area. The move to reserves effectively put an end to the nomadic way of life for the people in the area. However – and I don’t know the details as to why – my grandparents didn’t make the move to Constance Lake.

So as it is, my family has no ties to a reserve. Sure the government said we belonged to Constance Lake, but we never lived there.

It almost seems like my grandparents were still nomadic in a way, moving from place to place. But in my lifetime, they always lived in Nakina. My aunt and uncles, however, seemed to pick up where my grandparents left off. As soon as they were old enough they moved around a lot, looking for jobs, love, life. Who knows? My mother, she eventually moved to Toronto where she met my father and where my brothers and I were all born. When they split, she moved us closer to her home but a few hours away to the city of Thunder Bay, where she still resides. And as you now know, where I grew up.

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I’ve come to terms with my identity as I moved into adulthood. But for a period, perhaps to still fit in, I said I was from Constance Lake when asked where I was from by other Native people. It was easier to say a reserve and leave it at that. If I ever said Thunder Bay, the question that most often followed is: “Yeah, but which First Nation?” Well, Constance Lake but I never lived there. Reactions varied.

It was my younger brother who finally enlightened me, allowing me to embrace my identity, the son of a Cree mother and French father. He’s the one who pointed out that he’s not less of an Indian because he’s never lived on reserve. And he’s right. We’re diverse people and I believe we often forget that. And let’s also remember that not too long ago, our people once roamed freely on the land. The reserve system simply did not exist.

So today, I say I grew up in Thunder Bay. If people want more details, I’ll gladly share, if not, I leave it at that.

This whole Urban Indian label though, well, it never jived with me. It still doesn’t. I’m from northern Ontario, surrounded by bush. But urban? Well, maybe so, if someone needs to find a label so I fit nicely into his or her worldview.

In the end, though, it doesn’t matter to me. I know who I am, where I come from and where I'm going.

Travis, Alarice, Shya and Nevae

2009-10-28T23:00:00.009-05:00

A couple weekends back I had a photo session with my cousin Travis and his family in Thunder Bay. I haven't done a family photo shoot before and wanted to have a go at it.

My awesome friend Adrienne let me use her Alien Bees (lights) for the shoot. Not having worked with lights independently, it was a learning curve.

But that's why we have family, to allow us to experiment and have some fun.

Here are a few images.

The eagle and golden-yellow leaves...

2009-10-26T14:43:00.015-05:00

The eagle was flying just above the tall black spruce trees, circling as if in search of prey. His wings spread, riding the current, higher and higher he rose. But it was not prey the eagle was in search of.

I shifted my focus back to the search for my golf ball. After a few seconds, I spotted the ball and approached it. Again, I looked to the sky for the eagle. Higher now, circling on the wind, appearing smaller. His wingspan still immense against the deep blue sky. I watched him for a few more seconds before I set up my next shot.

Golf is a game of mental toughness and extreme focus, a lot of checks and balances setting up for a precision shot. It's not easy. My shots often go astray. But sometimes, a clear mind allows your body to do what it needs to in order to strike the ball with accuracy. I didn’t over think it, just approached the ball and delivered a sweet shot that was one of my best on this outing.

After a few seconds of appreciating my shot, I looked for the eagle. He was soaring higher than ever, a small dot circling in the sky above. His magnificence now out of range of my eyesight. I moved on.

A few holes later I was not doing so good. Maybe I was thinking too much into what I SHOULD be doing and was in fact NOT doing.

But as I came into view of the green (the putting surface), just across a small creek and up an incline, I saw another sight of beauty. The warm glow of an autumn sun shining on the green. Deep shadows surrounded the area. From trees further back, golden-yellow leaves sprinkled down like rain onto the green, carpeting the ground. The leaves glittered in the rays of the sun. Nature’s beauty at her best.

For a split second, I wanted my camera so I could capture the moment. Same with the eagle who was close enough for a decent shot. But I quickly dismissed that notion. Sometimes there are moments that stay in our mind’s eye that no image can do justice to. This was one of those instances.

Sure, my memory may fade with time, but I’m sure life will continue to display its splendor, replacing old memories with new ones. If I had a photo, I’d share, but this memory is mine – a moment that briefly cleared my mind of life’s distractions and stresses.

(By the way, after taking in the view of the leaves, I hit a nice shot that made up for the poor shots I was hitting on that hole.)

Light Tent

2009-10-21T22:53:00.006-05:00

My wife likes to sew. I like to take pictures. She wants to show her work. I want to take pictures. So, after a few attempts at taking pictures of some of her work, I thought to myself, "I need to figure out how to take better product photos." After some online research, I came across a light tent or box.

I wasn't keen on the idea at first, and neither was my wife, as we both prefer natural setting type of photos. But somehow, that stark white background and the nicely lighted products grew on us. So I looked for some ideas on how to create a homemade light tent and found a few online (here and here). So the other night, I set up a crude contraption and took a few pics of some of the work my wife has done (plus a cup). Basically, I took our old laundry bag stand, draped white fabric over it, taped a bristleboard to it, set up a couple of table lamps and voila, I was ready to take some pictures.

Jenny and Joe Oct. 10

2009-10-15T10:05:00.000-05:00

Last weekend, I had the honour and privilege to photograph the wedding of Jenny Rose and Joseph William. The couple were married in Thunder Bay during a small gathering of friends and family in a ceremony that combined both Native and non-Native cultures. It was nice.

It's a nerve-racking experience photographing a wedding. You only have one chance to do it right so you have to bring your A-game. This is my third wedding and I could see the improvement from the first wedding I shot a year ago. While stressful, I don't mind the experience. It's the challenges that make us better. And I am striving to become a better photographer.

Pure plasma pleasure...

2009-10-06T22:35:00.002-05:00

Ah yes, the ultimate man toy, 42 inches of pure plasma pleasure. This baby entered the household just a few short days ago and I tell you, I'm surprised I'm not sitting in front of it right now. Its presence comes just in time for the start of the NHL season. Its debut hockey game did see the Maple Leafs receive an @$$-kicking from the Capitals. But you can't have it all, can you?

Days gone by... a memory from my youth

2009-09-22T21:56:00.004-05:00

I remember the dry heat of summer. Dust kicking up at our feet as we stomped down the dirt road. The buzzing grasshoppers. The whirl of dragon flies. The biting mosquitoes. Life is slow, quiet, routine-like. The roads intersect in a grid-like manner. It creates a feeling of being in a square box in this little town.

I’m thinking of Nakina, Ont., a small town of 500, and an hour north of Highway 11. My grandparents lived here, the only place I knew them to live in my lifetime. It’s located on the CN rail line that connects western Canada with the east. I haven’t been there since the funeral of my eldest aunt. Before that, it was my Kookum’s funeral. And even before that, it was the funerals of my two great uncles, Nick and Gabriel. As you might guess, I have little reason to return to this place.

It’s an odd place. I know of no other place like it that I’ve been to. Surrounded by forest, lakes and muskeg, it would read like any town in the boreal forest of northern Ontario, but the feel of this place, the dry summers, the harsh winters, the short, thin trees… I don’t know what it is. It’s an oddity in the middle of a pristine forest. Somehow, quaint and idyllic are not a proper description. The closest body of water is found further outside town.

And so it seems to me a peculiar place for my grandparents to settle, but settle they did until the end of their days. Many a time we visited in my youth, running around town with my cousins, sometimes causing mischief, but most times fighting boredom in sand hills or playgrounds. When we got a little older, we would hitchhike to the closest lake, only to be greeted by annoying noseeums on the beach.

I was reminded of Nakina after reviewing a photo I had taken a few days ago while out exploring Sioux Lookout, the town I now live in. The same CN rail line that goes through Nakina also runs through this town. I snapped a picture of a small portion of these tracks. From the perspective of the image, there are not many buildings. Kind of looks like a small town. It made me think of Nakina and walking along the tracks that hugs the town.

While Nakina is not a spectacular place, my memories are of my grandparents and the family gatherings that were held at least once a year when I was a child. Christmas, ball tournaments, weddings, funerals, whatever occasion we had, Nakina was where we gathered. So it’s family I think of. It brings to me feelings of warmth and comfort, innocence and freedom. The days of my youth when things were simple, especially in a small simple town.

I know those days are long gone, never to be lived again. Sad. But I don’t dwell on this. I move forward with the life I have. But I recall the past with fondness. Funny. From a simple picture comes forth many a memory. To me, that’s the power of imagery, the ability to conjure emotion and memory.

P.S. coincidentally, when you re-arrange the letters of my wife's name, it spells Nakina. Her name is Kanina.

My Backyard...

2009-09-20T22:33:00.003-05:00

Inspired by the outing the day before (see previous post), I decided to take a closer look at my backyard to see what I could chalk up. Here's a few images from just a few minutes wandering around.

Pieces of Sioux Lookout

2009-09-19T22:35:00.003-05:00

My good friend, Adrienne, and I set out early this morning for a photo excursion in our little town of Sioux Lookout. We had no agenda, no set destination, no ideas of what to shoot. Armed with our cameras, we sought 'pure creativity' as she put it.

The only thing I had in mind was to search for different perspectives on the things we look at everyday. And after reading some photography literature on lines, form and colour, I only had these thoughts running through my head in terms of what I wanted to capture. For me, it's all part of my learning process, to train my photography eye.

It's always fun to get out and shoot with someone else who has a similar passion in photography. My wife had to laugh at us because she thought it was pretty geeky. Then she realized how similar it was to her and her family getting together for sewing sessions. Yup, what can I say? We're all pretty geeky.

Weekly Photo(s): Black & White

2009-09-06T17:43:00.004-05:00

Just posting a couple of B&W images I processed. Plus, I had to share these images.

On the left is Jaylynn, who was over the other night for a family dinner of sushi. Seeka (in background) brought her keyboard over and Jaylynn was getting a little lesson. Of course, she took a second to pose for the camera. Jaylynn is probably used to a camera always being around as her dad, Cal, is a photographer as well.

On the right is Canaan, my nephew who lives in Thunder Bay. This was taken at Corey and Crystal's day after the wedding BBQ. Canaan's like "hmmm, where to go?"

I've been trying my hand at some B&W processing. So far, I'm please with what I've got. But, still learning and still trying to figure out some things.

New header

2009-09-03T16:24:00.005-05:00

I decided I had to spice up my page with a nice new header and I'm pleased with the result. My awesome wife helped me out with it. I made the attempt to design it myself, but in the end, I decided I’m going to stick with photography and not design work. My wife works as a web developer, but she says she’s not a designer. Still, she did an awesome job.

With the change, I thought I needed a new tagline as well. It was actually a tough thing to do because it would be something that wouldn't be as easy to change. I eventually came up with ‘a photographic journey.’

I decided to go with the photography theme because it’s something that has quickly become one of my favourite things to do. I’m passionate about the craft. I want to learn more; I want to keep on improving. I have so much to learn and to me, that’s exciting.

I will continue to write the occasional blog, but its through photography that I can easily express myself or capture moments in time to share with others. Writing was my first love, but for me, writing can sometimes be a slow painstaking process. With photography, it’s a quicker way to produce results. So, much of what you’ll see will be the places I go or the people I know or meet… my journey through life behind the lens.

An evening at the Sioux Lookout fair with Jordan, Tatianna and Jaylynn

Corey and Crystal's Traditional Wedding

2009-08-31T21:38:00.007-05:00

My brother Corey and his wife Crystal decided to hold a traditional wedding ceremony the day before they exchanged vows Aug. 29. Held on Mount McKay in Fort William First Nation, Corey and Crystal took part in a ritual done for thousands of years by the Cree and Ojibwe people. It was a beautiful and intimate ceremony, despite the cool weather.

My wife Kanina and I held a similar ceremony outside our house in Sioux Lookout July 13. I'm proud of my brother for recognizing our roots and honouring our culture. Congrats to him and Crystal on their new life together.

Weekly Photo

2009-08-31T21:17:00.004-05:00

I haven't bothered to post 'weekly photos' this past while as I've just gone and posted a bunch of photos from various events and such. But I have these two portraits from my weekend in Thunder Bay that didn't fit in with a theme or anything, so here is my latest 'weekly photo'.

The first image is my nephew AJ. He's 12 and is heading into Grade 8. He's an awesome boy with lots of potential.

The second image is my nephew Evan, son to Corey and Crystal. He's just like his dad when he was a kid - slightly mischievous... haha. But he's the cutest kid.

Remembering Pépère...

2009-08-25T16:36:00.006-05:00

I love the sound of the fiddle. I can’t really describe why. I really enjoy some fast paced fiddling that gets people up and jigging. But there’s something about the haunting beauty of the slow drawn out notes of a fiddle that gets to me. Having said that, I’m not an avid fiddle fan, but this story was spurned by the sound of this instrument, which I recently heard.

My grandfather was a fiddle player. Pépère, we called him in the French language. He was a Frenchman, but he also had the blood of the Abenaki flowing through him. I never heard him play the fiddle or at least from what I remember. My brothers and I never spent much time with my paternal grandparents. We were separated by distance – we lived in Thunder Bay and they lived in Sudbury. And while we did get the chance to visit once in a while, I never really heard my grandfather play his fiddle.

However, the last time he and my grandmother, Mémère, were in Thunder Bay was during my brother’s wedding a few years back. While sitting around visiting, my dad pulled out Pépère’s fiddle. He encouraged my grandfather to play. At that time, Pépère had lost much of his memory. He always joked: “I’m not losing my memory, I’ve lost it.” So he said he didn’t know how to play anymore. Nevertheless, we encouraged him to try. After a little prodding, he was still adamant that he could not remember. So we sort of gave up and let him be. We continued to chat, enjoying the rare visit. Suddenly, my grandfather started to play. He was definitely rusty as he drew the bow across the strings, but he continued on, almost oblivious to our presence. He was so focused on the song I swear we must have disappeared. It was only him and that fiddle in the room. We all heard him playing but not wanting to distract him we pretended to ignore him. He played two or three songs that night and it was wonderful to hear the songs filled with so much history.

Later, Mémère told us she had not heard those songs since they were very young. In fact, one of the songs she didn’t recognize. It was amazing. He could not remember the songs he used to frequently play, but the old tunes, the songs of his youth had come back to him. They were songs from a different era full of story and culture.

It’s often said those with Alzheimer’s often retreat in their minds to memories of their youth. My Kookum seemed to do this. As she suffered with Alzheimer’s in her last days, it was memories of the residential school she attended as a child that she remembered most. But Pépère didn’t have Alzheimer’s. Sure, he lost his memory, but as far as I know he was not diagnosed with the disease. So it was all the more amazing to hear what was coming through him and through that fiddle. I’ll never forget that moment. I know little of our French roots from my paternal side of the family. My father had embraced his Abenaki roots and my mom is Cree, so it was this Aboriginal background that I knew more of. But that day, sitting around with Mémère and Pépère, I caught a glimpse of the culture they knew growing up.

Pépère passed away last year. It wasn’t until I heard those drawn out notes of the fiddle that I realized how much I truly miss him. But I’m glad for the memories, in which there are many. But that moment – surrounded by family in a hotel room, when he retreated to a bygone time – I’ll always remember.

Creefest '09

2009-08-24T21:18:00.011-05:00

My latest trip brought me to Missanabie Cree First Nation, an hour or so outside of Wawa, Ont. I've never been past Wawa on Highway 101. It's nice land. Typical Canadian Shield – well forested, rocky terrain. I was in the area attending Creefest, an annual gathering celebrating Cree culture. Elderly ladies were cooking up a storm of moose, goose and (apparently) crane. One of the ladies says it's juicier than goose. Workshops were also held and there were also many musicians providing entertainment each night. It was a great time, with great people and great food. I didn't get to stick around for the traditional feast, so I'll have to take their word that the crane is juicier.

Plucking snow geese

The crane, which is apparently juicier than goose.

Sierra Noble, a very talented fiddler and singer/songwriter. The video for her song, Possibility, is featured on CMT Canada and Much More Music.

Sierra and her guitarist, Lindsey Bart.

J.C. Campbell and Tracy Bone held a workshop on healthy relationships.

The talented Angus Jourdain Jr, from Lac La Croix. Angus performed his very awesome tune, Warriors, the song that won him the 2008 NCI Jam.

A group of singers from Attawapiskat. They belted out some very nice round dance songs.

Marcus Wesley at an art workshop.

Them mountains sure are rocky...

2009-08-12T22:18:00.015-05:00

Recently returned from an excursion into the west. It was a honeymoon/vacation, but it was also a trip to my cousin's 10 year anniversary celebration. The drive out west was long and made even longer after a bout with food poisoning. Thankfully, it was a short lived illness and my wife, Kanina, and I pressed on. Our visit to the Rockies was awesome. We came upon waters of green, blue, clear and milky colours. And of course, those mountains they call The Rockies were a sight to behold.

Our first stop was Sprucewoods Provincial Park in Manitoba. There are no other pictures until Alberta as I was prevented in taking pictures due to the illness.

We arrived in Alberta only to come upon hazy and cloudy skies. We did not realize we were surrounded by many mountains on our approach into the Rockies. It was only until our return that we realized how many moutains were around. But as evening approached on our first night in the Rockies, the base of the mountains started to become visible.

My beautiful wife, Kanina, as we ventured around Banff.

Ten years ago, I purchased a similar raccoon hat. I have a picture with that particular hat. Had to get another pic of me with this hat. However, I didn't buy it.

The Fairmont in Banff. We almost stayed here ... but we couldn't afford it (haha).

Castle Mountain on our way to Lake Louise. The clouds parted and the majestic mountains appeared. Magnificent views.

Takakkaw Falls in Yoho National Park in B.C. Apparently, 'Takakkaw' means 'it is magnificent' in Cree. I didn't know we had a word for 'magnificent'. Oh yeah, Yoho is supposed to be a Cree term for expressing amazement. Might have to start using that one... lol

Enjoying a roadside view along with a hoary marmot.

Fire grilled steaks we enjoyed while camping out in Lake Louise (and also campfire tea... mmmhmm)

Kanina after a short hike to a lookout at Moraine Lake.

Moraine Lake. A pamphlet warned us to get their early to avoid crowds. We should have listened as it was quite busy. But it was worthwhile to check out. Beautiful.

Kanina and her horse Awesome. Simply named because he is awesome.

The view from above. Rather than hike the mountains, we went by horseback. Seemed like a great choice at the time as we passed exhausted hikers. However, my legs were a bit sore for a few days afterwards.

Lake Agnes up in the mountains surrounding Lake Louise.

More photos available in my online album.

A visit to the dump... or is it a zoo?

2009-07-26T11:12:00.006-05:00

A few images from the Sioux Lookout dump where we encountered 14 bears scavenging through the waste. When we got there, one big mama was just sitting back, chillaxing in the sun. Wasn't able to get a picture of that. By the time I pulled my camera out, she was back on her feet, lumbering over to the garbage I just threw out. I think there was some chicken in there. She must've caught the scent.

A cub came sniffing his way around the truck while we were checking out the activity. The little guy looks like he has a mohawk. He has a thin strip of lightly coloured hair running part way down his back.

Aside from the bears, our local dump features eagles (both bald and golden, apparently) and turkey vultures. And tons of seagulls, which are to be expected.

Kanina and Jaylynn Sewing

2009-07-22T22:31:00.012-05:00

Jaylynn was by after work, wanting to spend time with Kanina (aka Auntie Beanie). So, they ventured into the sewing room and decided to make a little bag. Jaylynn really enjoyed herself... so did Kanina. Actually, so did I. Got to pull out my camera and snap a few pics.

Weekly Photo

2009-07-18T11:35:00.003-05:00

My wife, Kanina. We were married July 11, exactly one week ago from this post. I was testing out a new light a friend of mine recently purchased. Very nice light. And of course, my wife is very beautiful.

With these lights my friend purchased, we're planning to set up a portrait booth at the Eagle Lake powwow. Should be loads of fun. I also plan to put together a photography project of a select dancer or two, if I could find dancers who'll allow me to follow them around for a day as they get ready with their regalia. Kinda like a sights and sounds of the powwow, capturing the flow of the dance, the minute details of regalia and the preparation behind the dance. I plan to gather some audio and put together a slideshow.

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Random Quote:

"It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it's not possible to find it elsewhere."

- Agnes Repplier

Weekly Photo

2009-07-16T23:04:00.002-05:00

The latest image from an afternoon hike up Sioux Mountain. Not much to say, other than I liked the juxtaposition of grass on the rail ties.

Weekly Photo

2009-07-07T18:16:00.001-05:00

Yeah, came across this at a powwow in Thunder Bay. I don't think I need to say more.

Weekly Photo

2009-06-17T16:10:00.005-05:00

I don't know if you can see those little ants on there, but that's what I was trying to capture (click image to see a larger version).

I'm getting married in a few weeks, so I expect I won't be able to post around that time. In the meantime, I've been posting every few days or so to make up for that time when I won't be able to.

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Random Quote:

"There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered."

- Nelson Mandela

How true this is. We sometimes don't realize our own growth, only until we return to a place we have lived for many years. If this place hasn't changed but feels different, it's only because it is you that has changed. When my brother was 17 or 18, he took part in an exchange program and traveled to Egypt for a few months. When he returned home, he was a different person. He had grown by leaps and bounds in his personal development. But for him, home was exactly the same as he left it, yet it felt different. After awhile, he realized it was he that was different.

Weekly Photo

2009-06-15T08:57:00.006-05:00

I captured this image on an early Friday morning, while out venturing for a moose. We know that moose is around, but haven't seen him yet. I believe these wild flowers are called Marsh Marigolds. It was swampy area where these flowers were found.

This is the area we've been searching for that elusive moose.

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Random Quote

"I believe in an open mind, but not so open that your brains fall out."

- Arthur Hays Sulzberger

Weekly photo

2009-06-09T11:41:00.002-05:00

It just dawned on me that I did not post this image as my weekly photo. Since I have not produced any new images in the last week or so, I figured I might as well post this. A friend of mine, Nadya Kwandibens, had a similar type photo. I wanted to see what I could do. I like to think I can see a face in the smoke. I'll leave it up to you to decide if there really is.

Lately, I've been trying to learn some new techniques on Photoshop, especially converting to black and white. I want to do more in black and white, so hopefully I can come up with something. Stay posted.

The passing of Sam George...

2009-06-03T09:01:00.002-05:00

Has the news of the passing of someone you barely know impacted you in such a heartfelt way, you could barely understand why? Today, I feel sorrow in the passing of a man I have had the honour of meeting once. I had only shook his hand at the time, to show my respect for the courageous battle he had taken on.

Maynard (Sam) George, 56, died of cancer June 3 in his community of Kettle Point in southern Ontario. He was diagnosed in August.

http://www.thestar.com/news/ontario/article/644710

I was deeply saddened at this news. I believe for many reasons. Even though, I did not know the man, I have a great respect for him – for the suffering he endured and the seemingly impossible struggle he faced in finding the truth about his brothers death. Through it all, he handled it graciously and with honour, an attribute greatly missing in today’s world.

I followed the circumstances around the death of his brother, Dudley George, and the events that occurred in 1995 in Ipperwash. Throughout the entire ordeal, Sam George was always there, demanding justice. Not for revenge, but for his healing. He sacrificed a normal life to find the answers he wanted. Not many of us would do that. Not many of us have that courage.

In my opinion, the Aboriginal community lost a great leader. And while I always feel a certain sadness when one of our leaders passes on, I was more impacted by the news of Sam’s passing. He was not an elected chief or leader. He was a different kind of leader, one who stood up against immovable forces and won. One who carried himself with dignity and integrity. He was a man with a simple vision, and he followed it with great determination.

My sympathies go out to his family and friends.

Miigwetch

Weekly Photo

2009-05-28T18:42:00.002-05:00

During a recent trip to Thunder Bay, I was out scouting a location for a photo shoot. I really like this location so I decided to check it out. It's located on the shores of Lake Superior on Fort William First Nation. I did not use the location for my photo shoot, but I snapped a few pics while there. It's definitely an interesting spot. To the left of the island is an even longer strip of land. I've heard it is symbolic of a drum and drum stick, which it does resemble when looking from afar.

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Random Quote:

"I am convinced that despite different cultures and different political and economic systems, we are all basically the same ... I believe that the practice of compassion and love – a genuine sense of brotherhood and sisterhood – is the universal religion. It does not matter whether you are Buddhist or Christian, Moslem or Hindu, or whether you practice religion at all. What matters is your feeling of oneness with humankind."

Dalai Lama, The Way to a Meaningful Life

Weekly photo #4 (catch up)

2009-05-18T13:13:00.008-05:00

Here's a bit of catch up on this post. These are a few images from the last few days over the long weekend. Had a nice day with Jaylynn. She climbed trees, we played tag and then I walked her home.

The Hulk figure is something that's followed me from place to place and town to town over the years. Just can't seem to get rid of it. I have no idea of its origin.

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Random Quote:

"You humans are very curious to us. You invite us to live among you in an atmosphere of equality that we've never known before. You give us ownership of our own lives for the first time and you ask no more of us than you do of yourselves. I hope you understand how special your world is, how unique a people you humans are. Which is why it is all the more painful and confusing to us that so few of you seem capable of living up to the ideals you set for yourselves."

- from the movie Alien Nation

Weekly Photo #3

2009-05-11T17:53:00.003-05:00

OK, this is anything but "weekly" as I intended. I often tend to look for images with my eye before I even pick up a camera. It has the advantage of helping me to try to view the world in a different perspective, to see things beyond our normal point of view. But I seldom put myself in those places unless I pick up a camera. Lately, it seems, I've been trying to hard to find an image that is "amazing" or "spectacular" or just plain "nice". My attempts were in vain. I believe I was trying too hard, trying to be perfect, trying to capture that certain moment in time that has a certain "wow" factor. But when I fail to pick up the camera, I miss those rare moments in time worth capturing. With digital cameras, I know I should just keep snapping until I find that image that I'm always searching for. Often, I capture something without realizing it, the last two weekly images for example. I almost didn't use this last image as I wasn't too keen on it. But, I must persevere, learn from what I have and what I didn't do. So, here is my latest post, nothing amazing, just a simple shot of a lantern sitting on a deck.

Weekly Photo #2

2009-04-15T20:44:00.006-05:00

Spring is here. Just before the warm weather settled in, I headed out one last time on the ice to get a few pics. This is the home of Carol and Tom Terry, my soon to be in-laws. It's beautiful land on the shores of Abram Lake. Kanina, my fiancee, and I plan to be married out here.

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Random Quote:

"My language and my culture are as vital to me as the air I breathe and the water I drink, for without them there is no past for my grandchildren and no future for me. Honour will cease to exist when I return to the Earth."

- An Elder's comment about the importance of Wawatay Native Communications Society continuing its work.

Guiding hands...

2009-04-05T13:45:00.004-05:00

There’s a certain calming meditative effect that comes with repetitive manual labour. As I prepare for next winter by stocking up on wood, my body aches and groans with the strain I’ve put it through as of late. But my mind seems calmer, relaxed. It’s often hard to find that groove when working, to find the focus and strength necessary to carry out the work that needs to be done. But when I do find that groove, my mind settles and wanders, going where it wants, recalling the past with ease. It’s meditative.

My latest outing allowed me to reflect on my current position with Wawatay Native Communications Society as media director. Recently, as I struggled with the position and wondered if I should be there, I was given some sound advice: I am where I was meant to be. I began to think of how I ascended to this position. If it weren’t for others around me who believed in my capabilities, I wouldn’t be here. Throughout my career, there have been a multitude of individuals who have believed in me and given me opportunities to succeed. The only thing that has ever held me back in achieving my potential was my own lack of self-confidence. But yet, others knew I could do anything I wanted.

The earliest individuals I can recall who thought I was capable of succeeding were two elementary teachers, Mr. Nault and Mr. Bertuzzi. Both provided me with opportunities to shine when I felt like I couldn’t. Mr. Nault reminded me of my intelligence when I doubted myself. Mr. Bertuzzi always provided a kind smile and friendly presence when I felt down on myself.

In Grade 8, after underachieving for much of the year, Mr. Smith brought my mother and I together for a meeting. To this day, I remember his words: Brent is a bright individual who can go far in life.

As I moved into high school, my life turned dark. I struggled with my identity as an Aboriginal person. I had no confidence and no direction. I barely passed Grade 9 and I failed Grade 11. At 16, I lost a friend to suicide. They were dark days. But I pulled myself together, and moved on to another school. It was at this new school that I found joy in writing and video production. My English teacher, Mr. Krueger, is an individual who may not have had too much of an impact in my day to day life, but he was the first to acknowledge that I had skill in writing.

After high school, I seemed to drift through life, searching and yearning for something that would satisfy my abilities. I wanted to write, but didn’t think I could make a career out of it. After a couple of failed attempts at college, I decided to work. Where institutionalized education failed me, I learned much in the world through hands on learning. There was much I didn’t know, but yet, others saw this hidden potential within me. Opportunities came to me I sometimes felt I didn’t deserve. But not wanting to turn down the opportunities, I took hold of them and made them my education.

Sally Ledger is the first I attribute to helping me along with my career. She is a hard worker and is just as hard on those around her who don’t put in the same effort. Yet, I often felt like I didn’t accomplish much working for her. Still I gained new friends and I started my path to self-confidence.

Next was Melanie Goodchild-Southwind. She headed the NAN Decade for Youth and Development program where I became involved as a youth council member and then a staff person. She was a good mentor, leading through hard work and determination. She quickly became a friend. Within the same organization was Carol Rowland, who allowed me to stay and work while trying, once again, to gain a formal education. I didn’t succeed, but I gained more education working for NAN and with these two ladies, then I have before then.

I eventually moved on from NAN to get that elusive diploma. But this time, I chose a path I always wanted to pursue that would allow me to write – journalism. I now had the confidence to succeed in this pursuit and I didn’t let myself down. It was hard work but I stuck it out. While attending school, I started volunteering with the Chiefs of Ontario. It was here I came across another individual who believed in me. Sara Neuert knew I had the intelligence to succeed and put me in a position to do so as youth co-ordinator. I often felt like I was out of place in this political spectrum. But through observing and listening, I quickly gained invaluable experience. And Sara had a passion that was contagious.

Then, as I neared graduation and wanted to move closer to home, another individual appeared. Not knowing much about me, but hearing what others had to say, Adrienne Fox-Keesic, editor of Wawatay News, contacted me to offer me a job. I had yet to graduate and was still working for Chiefs of Ontario, but I felt this was a chance to do what I always wanted to do. After all, working in media is the reason I was taking journalism. I knew this is where my true skills lied. Throughout all my other opportunities, I always knew I wasn’t doing the best I could or worked as hard as I should. I never lived up to the potential others saw. It bothered me, but as I look back, I am grateful for the faith of others, for those that pushed me to work hard or showed me a door.

At Wawatay, I didn’t get a chance to work with Adrienne at first, but eventually I did and she has been my greatest mentor to date. Working in a field I thoroughly enjoy, I have learned much, especially with a guiding hand to help along the way. But things didn’t stop there. As Adrienne planned to move on to start her business, it meant that someone had to take over her management position. Her faith in me prompted her to have me temporarily fill in. As we searched for a suitable candidate, it seemed more and more obvious we wouldn’t find the right person. Then, Rachel Garrick and Bryan Phelan both asked if I wanted to stay. They both believed I could do the job. So I stayed.

It’s been about a year now, but in the last few months, I’ve started to come into my own. I’ve realized that all the other jobs I’ve had were building blocks to this position. My formal journalism training and all the other on the job training, has suited me well for what I do now. I finally believe I can achieve much. Still, I question myself and decisions I make, but for the most part, things are going well. Yes, there are struggles, the trials and tribulations that come with any job or task, but I’m sometimes reminded that we must persevere, we must carry on and never give up. Brian Beaton recently provided me with this little piece of wisdom.

I know things don't stop here and there is plenty of life left to live. There is no limit to what can be accomplished.

"If you always put a limit on everything you do, physical or anything else. It will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee.

I’m thankful to all who have guided me along the way with their patience, wisdom, faith and friendship. Sometimes, we only succeed with the help of others. I haven’t forgotten those people and I only named just a few who have had an impact on my life. There are many others, including family. They may not have known the internal struggles I had, but they still believed I was capable of achieving success. Miigwetch my friends, Miigwetch.

Now, back to that wood pile…

Weekly Photo #1

2009-04-02T21:07:00.004-05:00

I decided that one of my New Year resolutions was to start taking one picture a week and post it to my blog. I thought it an opportunity to start looking at the world in a creative way and to improve my photography skills. I also thought it would be a chance to fill this space. Three months later, and I'm finally getting to it... ha!

This image was taken when a friend of my fiancee stopped by with her kids. She has twins, so this is either Mia or Sienna, not really sure which one.

Anyway, let's see how this one photo a week thing turns out.

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Random Quote: "Notice that the stiffest tree most easily cracks. But the bamboo or willow survives by bending with the wind." - Bruce Lee

I thought this quote to be cool. I've read the Tao Te Ching, a book on the philosophies of Taoism and it had a similar teaching. As I interpret it, true strength is one that adapts and survives in the face of adversity. Strength is a blade of grass that sways with the wind, while the thickest tree can get uprooted by a strong wind.

Testing my limits

2008-12-02T17:24:00.003-05:00

I have a great fear of heights. Ever since I was a kid, this fear has paralyzed me. As I get older, this fear seems to have evolved.

I can handle traveling in an airplane, but standing on the edge of a cliff or bluffs, creeps me out. The CN Tower in Toronto? The most frightful experience I have ever had. I don’t know why I went up there more than once.

But flying has always been an easy experience. That is until recently, when my fear started evolving with age.

A few years back, while flying from Thunder Bay to Toronto and during the middle of the hour and 45 minute flight, I had this sudden urge to want both of my feet firmly planted on the ground. I was on the edge of panic. It was a very helpless feeling, knowing there was nothing I could do to get back on the ground. This feeling just threw itself at me. It came out of left field.

From that moment on, my fear of heights seemed to intensify.

I manage to calm myself down for the remainder of that flight. It took all the will power I had. However, I now hate flying, but I am able to deal with it. I immerse myself in a book. Reading, however, proves difficult on smaller aircrafts because motion sickness overcomes me on the turbulent flights. So, reading is out of the question. I now bring an MP3 player and close my eyes for most of the flight.

But simple things now seem challenging. I recently tried to get on the roof of my house to inspect my chimney. I made it halfway up the ladder before descending back down, a defeated man.

Where this fear of heights comes from, I’m not sure. It’s always been there. As a kid, I was able to climb trees, but only so far before fear took hold. I used to climb the roof of my family’s old garage. That was no problem, but when it came time to get down, I was terrified. I was able to jump from this same roof into a pile of snow during the winter, but come summer, getting down was no easy feat.

So, it’s always hit and miss when my fear of heights will present itself. In buildings or balcony’s overlooking floors below, I tend to avoid getting close to the railings. But I often force myself to approach the railing, slowly creep along, and to look down. It’s like a test of sorts. I want to confront this fear, or at least see how much it has a hold on me.

That brings me to the present and an opportunity to face this fear head on. I joined a couple of friends on an ice climbing expedition just north of Sioux Lookout. The first time I went, I stayed on the ground and took some photos. But I did climb a boulder to get a better angle of the people climbing. With some hesitation, I did and I managed to get a few pictures.

The next trip, I wanted to try to get a picture from the top down. I knew it wouldn’t be easy and I knew my fear would be a huge factor. I asked about the possibility of getting up top, thinking there must be a way to walk around. I was told I could get up top and I’d have to secure myself so I can peer over the ledge. I told myself I could do it, anything for the photo.

I must have been kidding myself. We walked the side of the cliff to a point where I was told we’d have to climb up. It didn’t look too high and I thought I could manage it. But it was then I thought: “How am I going to get back down?" So I asked.

"Well, I wasn't going to talk about that until we got up there," I was told.

I was given a couple of options and I forced myself not to think about it then. After all, I had a rock to climb. One thing at a time.

So, I gave it a shot and made it up, although it was a little scary a few times. OK, very scary. Thankfully, I was safely secured by rope. I would not fall if I slipped.

Once atop the cliff, I had to face the moment of truth. Wearing a harness, I was secured by rope to two trees. I then had to walk out to a small ledge and lean over the edge, letting the harness and rope hold all my weight. It was easy enough to look down, but to put your faith in ropes and equipment and let yourself hang over a ledge to the ground 75 feet below was… well, it was terrifying.

I took a few minutes, maybe ten, to try to relax, breath and find the courage within. And I did. It was exhilarating to just hang there, suspended in air, hovering over the ground way below.

Once I got used to the feeling, I grabbed my camera. It was hard, but I was able to somehow maneuver around to get some photos.

But the longer I stayed there, the more time my fear had to get a hold of me.
I started to question the rope, the harness, the trees. Panic settled in. Fear was taking control once again.

But then my friend stared climbing and I pushed all thoughts away and focused on getting some pictures. I managed to hang there for more than two hours.

Although my fear tried to get the better of me, I stayed focused. I didn’t let my fear overcome me, even though it easily could have.

I totally stepped out of my comfort zone that day. My friend and I talked about that afterwards.

He said in his work with youth and outdoor recreation, he’s always telling participants to step out of their comfort zone. It’s a way to expand your horizons, test your limits and to let your self grow.

Although I don’t think I’m over my fear of heights, I definitely made a step forward. I did something I never thought I could. I felt empowered. A little self confidence is a good thing.

By the way, my photos are OK, but they didn’t turn out as great as I hoped. I guess I was a little more scared than I thought I was. And there was another way down the cliff, as I found out. It was just a longer walk around.

One of the images I manage to capture:

I am...

2008-11-16T22:12:00.004-05:00

I recently joined forces with Adrienne Fox-Keesic on a new photography project (check it out here: adriennefoxkeesic.blogspot.com).

We've talked in the past about collaborating, but nothing came to fruition. With this project, Adrienne started working on it awhile back. Somehow, we got to talking about it and decided to move forth together. The thing is, you got to just start things. Talking can get you so far, it takes action to achieve your vision. So that's what is really cool about this. Adrienne just decided to do this project and so far, so good. There is initial plans to showcase the images in Sagatay Magazine and then Wawatay News Online. It should be awesome.

What I also like about being involved is the chance to further develop my photography skills. There is constant learning in this craft and I feel I'm at a point where I need to step outside my journalist photography and venture into honing the creative aspect of the game. This project will help me to accomplish that goal and in the end, I can only see my photojournalist skills improve.

To me, there is one thing lacking in many of my photos: the ability to capture the true essence of the subject. I remember this being one of the lessons I learned in J-school from my photography teacher. He said to take images that truly define your subject. I feel I've been constantly searching for that ability. Sometimes I capture it, but then left scratching my head afterwards as to how I accomplished it. Why? Because I often spend too much time on the technical side of things. Never certain of my ability or what setting I should use on the camera, I come to neglect the subject. I realized this during my first photo session with Adrienne. As she was guiding me, she says, 'don't forget about your subject,' (or something rather) as I was inquiring about how my shots were turning out. In my head, I was thinking 'oh yeah' (hahaha). But, with time and practice, I will learn the technical side of photography until it's second nature.

Midnight driving and mysterious moose…

2007-06-24T18:36:00.000-05:00

The TransCan between Thunder Bay and Kenora. Midnight. Dark and lonely, the highway offers no sympathy.

I’m on my way back to Sioux Lookout, cruising along, struggling to fight the tiredness creeping into my body. The eyes become heavy. The onslaught of headlights from the many 18-wheelers make it difficult to adjust to the darkness. I wonder how many deer or moose I’m missing in the ditches. For certain, I’ve come across two deer. Who knows how many more?

As we approach Ignace, the not-too-distant horizon lights up. A storm approaches.

Soon, we come to Dinorwic and make our way north on the 72 to Sioux Lookout. I welcome the change. No more glaring headlights. My eyes quickly adjust to the darkness. Almost immediately deer are spotted alongside the roads. The storm subsides, but still, flashes of lightning are seen in the darkened sky. Hauntingly beautiful.

On this stretch of highway, I lose count of the many deer. I’ve spotted three moose. One of them was huge. But were my eyes deceiving me? In my minds eye, the moose was enormous. But I only caught a glimpse and failed to see if the moose had the antlers of a bull.

I’m reminded of Armstrong highway. Five or six years ago. The exact year, I no longer recall. But I do remember a moose. He was massive. I was driving along, it was nearing midnight and once again I was fighting the tiredness. Suddenly, there he was. His legs I noticed first. Long, stringed and sturdy. He was making his way over the railings as he came out of the ditch. It seemed like he would tip forward due to the massive size of his antlers. Yet, all these years later, I truly wonder if I saw this moose or if my mind had played tricks. It’s possible. I was tired beyond belief. The moment seemed entirely surreal. One thing I do know, I swerved to avoid the moose as he walked onto the road. In so doing, I had awakened my passenger. Would I swerve for something that wasn’t there? Maybe I did. Maybe I didn’t.

Once again, I’m wondering if my own mind is deceiving me. But for certain, I know this moose was there. And so were the number of deer along the 72. The many crosses marking the memories of other drivers are a haunting and chilling reminder of what could be.

But soon, the lights of Sioux Lookout are seen across the lake. A welcome sight. It’s now 2:30 and I’m home. Midnight driving. A dangerous, yet contemplative time of mysterious moose and of life that can be hauntingly beautiful.